Have you ever seen the show ‘Monk‘? Do you know what OCD is? If not, go educate yourself and then come back for the punchline. Otherwise, you’re just not going to get it.

Q: What happens when one OCD’er is taking another OCD’er to the doctor, and they both approach the front door to the building at the very same time, but that door (with a very public-used handle) is closed?

OCD’er #1: [stopped dead in his tracks] “I’m not getting that.”

OCD’er #2: [stopped dead in her tracks] “Shit.”

A: Absolutely nothing! (Ha! Well I thought it was funny.)

True story, by the by. He panicked. I panicked. But then I noticed one of those handy square buttons for the handicapped. You know, the ones you push for wheelchair access and it automatically opens the door. Who cares if it takes five minutes for the door to open that way. I didn’t have to touch anything with my hands!

Nope. I used my elbow.

*********

Another true story…

(my) MOM: “I love CJ, he’s a great kid, but sometimes he annoys the shit out of me with that OCD stuff. You know, you were a lot like him as a kid. Drove me nuts with the way you always had to make sure the M&M’s were divided exactly even between you and your brother. I don’t know where you got that from. Certainly not from me or my side of the family. It must have been your Grandma Dunne. (paternal grandmother) She was a mean, crazy bitch. Just nuts. The littlest things would set her off and you never knew when that was going be, or what she was going to do about it.”

ME: Did my mother just call me an annoying crazy bitch?

“You know, if I hadn’t divided the M&M’s Chuck would have eaten them all and I wouldn’t have gotten any.”

MOM: “Well, you got plenty of chocolate anyway. You were always stealing my chocolate out of my room.”

ME: “Um, no Mom. That was Chuck. He took your chocolate and then told me that I ‘had to‘ share it with him because it would make me an accessory to his crime. (Not that he had to twist my arm, or anything.) Afterwards he threatened that if I told on him, he would tell you that I did it because you ‘would believe him over me‘.”

MOM: [smiled proudly] “Isn’t he clever. He used to drink half of my liquor in the cabinet, and then replace what he drank with water so that I wouldn’t notice.”

ME: “Damn. Why didn’t I think of that?”

My mother. I love her. How could I not? Without her, there would be no ‘me’.

Technorati Tags: Monk, OCD, funny, panic, handicapped, crazy, nuts

I was watching the Today Show this morning while gliding on my glider. Wasn’t it just my luck that they had a food segment on at the time. …While I was exercising.

Hello!

But never fear, all was not lost. My wacky brain saved me from having a mouth-watering-get-off-the-glider-and-make-breakfast-before-I’m-done-exercising-fiasco. Nope. Didn’t happen. I just kept right on gliding; and, as a matter-of-fact, I started to sing. Wanna know why?

They were making Lambchops in Lime Sauce, and while it did look wholly scrumptious, only one thought came to mind…

Heh. How devilishly evil. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that song!

Um, yeah. Enjoy the song virus, folks!

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

After three days and two phone calls of asking me where I had put the keys, my mechanic finally fixed my van. Apparently the distributor was faulty and needed to be replaced. It’s running just hunky-dory now. I guess he didn’t have any trouble finding the part.

When I went in to pick up (and pay for repairs on) my van, the mechanic smiled at me. “Are you ready for this?” he asked, holding the rather pricey bill in his hands.

I replied, (smiling back, of course), “No. You keep it. I think I”ll just take my keys and go. Thanks so much.”

Needless to say, my mechanic wasn’t smiling anymore. Some people. It’s always funny until the jokes on them.

Anyway, I’ve been furiously listing items for sale on Half.com and eBay to make up for the loss of funds. If you’re in the mood to shop, check out my links below.

Click here: Stacy’s eBay Auctions

Or click here: Stacy’s Half.com Store

In other exciting news, I’ve been catching up on my household chores this weekend. Laundry Day: otherwise known as the–’I’m so going to sneeze a gazillion times‘–Day. I had the kids do the dishes and sweep the floor. Now, I need to get one of them to clean the bathroom. Delegating is a skill, you know. Besides, I’m not touching that toilet!

I’ve also been working on incorporating the “Do Follow” blogroll, from Tricia’s Musings, into my sidebar. I’m just waiting to receive the blogroll code via email and then it’ll be up and running. It’s a terrific way to increase one’s page rank, or so I gathered. Check out Tricia’s post for more information. Big Bucks Blogger created a handy plugin that goes along with the Do Follow Blogroll. It’s called: Lucia’s Linky Love

What are you still doing here?

Go shopping! Get blogrolled! Come on over and do my chores for me so I don’t have to! Play Scrabulous on Facebook! Dance the Tango in a purple polka-dotted tutu! Eat sushi with peanut butter! Be a rebel!

Or, you could just sit there. Really. Veg out to your heart’s content. It’s all good.

Technorati Tags: Half.com, eBay, Tricia’s Musings, Do Follow Blogroll, Lucia’s Linky Love, Scrabulous, Facebook

My Dad sent me this email awhile back:

Thoughts without a Thinker

Awestruck with God
God-struck with Awe

By thy Will be done
There is no Me

Truly One without a second
Do not go figure

–email from Pop

Upon reading my Dad’s lovely bit of prose, this response immediately popped into my no-mind.

Heh.

A Thinker Without A Thought

Stupefied with life
Life with stupefaction

By thy beer in the fridge
There is no state

Truly two without a thought
Do not perceive

Just drink

–Stacy Anderson

Zen Moment #16: “Don’t squat with your spurs on.”

Technorati Tag: Wordless Wednesday

Have you heard the news?

O.J. Simpson was arrested, charged with mulitple felonies, and is currently being held without bond.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha! HA!!! That’s funny.

Technorati Tags: O.J. Simpson, arrested, mulitple felonies, funny