You know, sometimes day rolls into night and I wonder. I wonder what the hell happened to day.
I woke more than six hours ago, and yet, I still haven’t gotten around to writing up my reply to Mrs. Flipphead’s meme. (Sorry ’bout that.) I had every intention of doing so yesterday morning, but as soon as I opened up a Word doc and placed my fingers on the keyboard, I heard this: “Mom! I need help with my Math lesson.“ Everything after that is a blur of one person/animal/thing after another needing my assistance or attention.
This morning I woke to the tune of my dog barking frantically. He’s normally not much of a yapper, so I figured I best get up and see what was going on. While I got out of bed and got dressed, a thought crossed my mind. Wouldn’t it be great if Bob got paid this week, instead of next week? Then I could pay the rest of this month’s bills and be done with it. That would be so cool.
I shuffled into the living-room (grabbing a pair of clean socks out of the basket on the kitchen table along the way) and found Miranda slouched on the couch. (Heh, that rhymes.) So I asked her, “What’s with all the fuss?” To which she replied, “I dunno. Someone was knocking on the door.”
I sat down on the futon to put on my socks and shoes. I put on one sock, and then the other; and then I realized I had set a socked-foot into something wet, gooey, and mustard-colored yellow.
It was a small pile of dog vomit. Lovely.
I removed the dirty sock, put in it the hamper, and grabbed another clean sock out of the basket. After putting on my clean sock and my shoes, I put a leash on our very patient dog, Rocko; who was sporting a full-bladder at the time, and opened the front door. But when I opened the door to take him out, a brown, UPS Express Mail envelop fell at my feet. (It had been stuck between the screen door and the front door.)
Well, now I knew who had been knocking at the door earlier.
So, while my dog finally got the chance to do his business, I opened up the envelope, and guess what it was?
It was Bob’s paycheck. A week early. How cool is that?
So then I brought the dog (and the paycheck) back into the house. I fed the dog, cleaned his mess up out of the carpet, and then I called Bob to tell him that we had received his paycheck early. Then, I sat down at my desk and spent about 20 minutes balancing the checkbook, filling out checks for bills, addressing envelopes, and then made out my deposit slip. I was ready to go to the bank and the post office now.
No, wait. I needed to set a pot of coffee to brew first; that way, when I got back home in a few minutes, I would have coffee ready to consume with whatever I made for breakfast. Good planning.
Miranda rode along with me. We went to the bank first, and then drove to the post office. Along the way we spotted a bunch of ‘Yard Sale’ signs. So, after I accidently dropped my local mail into the out of town slot, we drove out to one of the yard sales. Along the way, I downed an entire 16.9 oz bottle of water in less than a minute, because I suddenly realized that I was hungry, and this helped to ease that hunger a bit.
The first yard sale sucked; nothing but a bunch of junkie old toys, clothes, and baby shoes. Oh, and bunnies; real, live, adorably-cute bunnies.
Miranda: “Ooh, Mommy, look at the cute, little bunnies!”
Me: “We are not getting any bunnies. Besides, we don’t even know how to take care of them.”
Miranda: “They’re just the same as a hamster.”
Me: “But, don’t they have to stay outside? We don’t have anything to keep them in.”
Miranda: “No, they stay in the house with us. Remember Daddy’s friend, Mark? He had a rabbit in his house.”
Me: [thinking: ‘what the heck am I doing?‘]
“Okay, I was just thinking aloud. I wasn’t opening up negotiations. We are not bringing home any bunnies. Got it?”
Miranda: “But they’re soooo cute.”
Me: “Say goodbye to the cute, little bunnies.”
The next yard sale held nothing of interest for me either. I have no use of diet books, ceramic unicorns, bears, pigs, or angels,or baby toys. Miranda, however, snatched up a Hershey’s Chocolate Magic molding kit for a buck.
At this point, I suddenly felt rather woozy and then starting suffering from horrible stomach cramps, so we headed home. But, being the wonderful mother that I am, we stopped at Dollar General to pick up some D-cell batteries and Hershey chocolates for Miranda’s candy molding kit.
Once home, I made a mad dash for the bathroom. I won’t bother to relate that bit of unpleasantness. (Although, if you enjoy that type of blog posting, you can visit Mister ‘Mighty Dyckerson‘ for an unhealthy dose of unmentionable… crap, errr… stuff. [heh] )
A few minutes later, I helped Miranda scrub and sanitize her candy-making thingamajig; and then I took the dog out again. I called my friend, Mat, while I was outside. He suggested that I read his latest bit of back-and-forth wordplay between him and an unmentionable, unpleasant person. So, when I came back inside, I opened up the AllPoetry website to have a look-see.
But then, on my AllPoetry homepage, I had a message from Cannonsfire that I wanted to respond to. Right as I was about to do that, I noticed that she had written a poem upon my request, so I clicked on that instead. As I was attempting to leave my comment on her poem, Miranda called for my assistance in the kitchen. She didn’t know which screwdriver to use to open up the battery compartment on her candy-making thingamajig.
When I opened up the battery compartment, I found that the previous owner had left batteries in there, obviously for a very long time. One of the batteries had leaked its contents inside the compartment, so now I had get out the lemon juice, Q-Tips, and toothpicks to clean it all out. Having done that, she was now able to put the new batteries in, and I reattached the compartment lid. Voila! She was ready to make chocolate candies.
I sat back down at my computer and finished leaving my comment for Cannonsfire. Then, just as I was clicking on Mat’s page to read what he had asked me to read, my phone rang. It was Mat. Shit. I hadn’t had a chance to read his stuff yet.
So I read his words while I chatted with him on the phone. At the same time, I left a reply to a couple of messages while I was on AllPoetry, then I said goodbye to Mat and hung up the phone.
Finally, I was all set to work on my meme reply. But then I heard:
“Mom, my candies are all done. Come and have one, they’re really yummy!”
[sigh]
How could I resist? After all, I dearly love chocolate; too, it was now 2:00 pm and I had yet to make my breakfast. Somehow, I had managed to squeeze in the time to get a cup of coffee though.
Now, after several more distractions and calls for my attention and/or assistance, it’s 3:45 pm and I still haven’t had anything (other than 1-pc of chocolate) to eat; which is probably just as well, considering how many times I’ve had to visit the bathroom today. Just the same, I think I’ll go and make myself some lunch. A cheese quesadilla with Pace picante sounds good. Yeah. Cheese. Maybe that’ll do the trick.
Argh. I’m really quite hungry.
Mrs. Flipphead, thank you for your patience. I promise, I will respond asap; even if I have to take my laptop into my bedroom with me and lock the door. I will get it done. [grin]
Later, folks. Enjoy your weekend! …And consider this thought; being a hermit, while a solitary existence, allows one ample time for breakfast.
[sigh]
I’m sorely tempted…
Tiocfaidh ár lá
