I’m packing my bags and getting ready for a trip to see Grandma (my mother) with the kids. We have about a 2 1/2 to 3 hour drive ahead of us, but it’ll be worth it. Dinner out (Translation: I don’t have to cook or clean up afterwards) and then we’re off to the horse races. Woo Hoo!

My daughter loves horses and my son loves guessing games, so we’ll have a bit of fun. I normally don’t place any real bets, as I’m not a gambler with my hard earned cash. However, I do enjoy writing down my picks just for fun. When I pick the winner, (which is usually at least twice out of ten races), I’m happy just knowing that I won… even though I didn’t bet. You know what I mean?

Anyhoo, since I must be off soon, I thought I’d just throw up a couple of quizzes today. I’d say that both of these quiz results were fairly accurate. I am a dreamer with quite an imagination; and, that imagination is always played out in my mind as if I’m watching a movie.

If ya feel like taking the quizzes yourself, it would be fun to see your results too. You can either leave your results in my comment box, or a link to your results on your blog… Or both.

Have a wonderful weekend, folks!

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world; so much so, that you tend to live in your head most of the time. You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all… But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult. You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul.

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don’t just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

*heh*

This shtuff makes me giggle.

I’m posting an email that I received this morning from a Mr. Tamuno Clarke in Liberia; or so he claims. The email alone is funny enough, but that’s not really what made me giggle. Oh, okay, so maybe it was more of a chuckle-snort kind of deal.

Anyhoo… Another blogger, by the name of ‘Jack’, had me busting a gut over a spam email that he had received. Jack’s correspondence with ‘Dr. Smith Khan’, caused me to leave this comment on his blog:

“Auugghh!”

Next time, puh-lease put a warning at the top of your post …

–Post contains just enough humor to cause you to snort hysterically … Thusly, you mustn’t be consuming any food or drink, as it will certainly burst forth from your nose.–

Not good, my dear man, not good.

Damn funny though!

(grin)

Thanks Jack,

~ Stacy ~

Jack tickled me again with his posts titled:

1.) “I am Rich Again- How Much Luck Do I Deserve”
2.) “More About My Good Fortune”
3.) “Give Me Time and I will Be Rich, Rich, Rich“
(Absolutely freakin’ hilarious!)
4.) “Shola Still Wants to Work With Me”
5.) “My Application For Shola”
(There may be more to this series of posts, but this will be quite enough to make your gut hurt from laughing so hard.)

Ah Jack… he’s such a funny guy. I’ve enjoyed his creativity immensely. If you haven’t visited Jack’s Shack, you are definitely missing out on some great reading material.

Speaking of great reading material… The mightonimously cheeky, Mighty Dyckerson, (my absolutely favorite IT2Much cyberwar champion); also known as the man who generously gave me one hundred Dycks, has had a bit o’ fun with email spammers as well:

1.) “Fun With Spammers I”
2.) “Fun With Spammers II”
3.) “Fun With Spammers III: The New Blood.”

Be forewarned, though, his blog is not for the faint of heart, nor for those who easily take offense. Nope. You must have the ability to be objective, possess strength of character and truly intuitive skills of discernment, and, of course, a rather warped sense of humour in order to survive a visit to the MB. So, yeah… that pretty much rules most people out. *snicker*

But I digress again, for I’ve yet to share the spam email that I received this morning. So, without further ado, here it is:

From:Mr.Tamuno Clarke,
Address:75United Nations Drive,
Mamba Point-Monrovia, Liberia.
Date:20-4-2006.

Dear Friend,

Sequel to the secretive arrangement in regards of the shipment of inflated
contract Funds, I wish to inform you that all necessary modalities have been
automatically concluded and have left Liberia to London via my Country, by
Express Cargo Flight (Diplomatic Delivery Agent). Note carefully the content of
the crate is “MONEY U.S Dollar $5.2 Million Cash” but I did not disclose it to
the Courier Services as Money,rather I informed them that the crate contain
Vital “DOCUMENTS AND EXPENSIVE AFRICA ART WORK” belonging to my client (that’s
you).

Furthermore, the weight of the consignment is 180kg but I manage to pay 120kg,
which cost US$18,600.00. On no account should you disclose the content of the
crate (Trunk Box) with the Diplomatic Courier Services for fear of betrayal. So
do not allow them to know that the content is money. In the meantime, contact
the Diplomatic Courier Services on Tel+44-121-618-7139, Fax:+
44-870-1345-244.(Trunk Box Code Number (BC108948867)to know the actual
situation with the consignment and also give them your address where the
consignment will be delivered and then get back to me as soon as possible so
that I can give you the shipment document.Meanwhile, I will be coming over to
your country immediately the consignment arrives in your Country for my per
cent share.

Please send me your contact address and also full name and phone number
immediately

Yours faithfully,
Mr.Tamuno Clarke.

Hmmm, I dunno. “MONEY U.S Dollar $5.2 Million Cash” is a lot of moolah. I could retire from my paltry eBay biz on that trunk box full of cash.

Yo! Take my poll, will ya? It’s over on the left. Yes. Right underneath the word: “Poll”.

Thank you, thank you very much.

UPDATE: Forget the poll for now… I’m still messing with the colors.

You really don’t want to read this drivel, but Freakren asked for it, so blame her… K?

Or, if you’re so inclined, you could just scroll on down to the cartoon and be done with it. Move along, folks, move along. There’s nothing interesting, or even remotely funny here.

FAMILY/KIN/RELATIVES:

Eureka! I’ve got it!

I am an alien.

The white sheep in a family full of black baa-ers.

The apple that fell from the ground.

I am, quite clearly, sane.

Or else I’m really good at ducking the men in white coats.

I don’t belong.

I must have been adopted, ‘cept red hair seems to run in the family.

So that excuse is out.

Eureka! I’ve got it!

I did, indeed, fall from the tree. But then the neighbor kid kicked me into the vegetable garden.

I was freakin’ raised by a bunch of carrots… when I shoulda been an orange.

*sigh*

Do you ever look at your family and wonder… How the heck did I end up in this handbasket? You know, like the stork dropped you into the wrong chimmney.

It’s a darn good thing I have an awesome sense of humour. I laugh in the face of irony. Yup. That’s me. I’m so full of glee I can hardly contain myself.

FRIENDS:

I love them all, but seriously… I suck at staying in touch with some of them. My friend, Stef, sent me an email about a month ago. Every time I realize that I haven’t emailed her back; I’m not in the mood to write.

Ben has been waiting for a reply to an email that he sent… oh, I don’t know… about three months ago? I was also supposed to do a “Four Things” meme for him, too. *sigh* I keep forgetting. Sorry, Ben.

I’ve completely lost touch with Felicity, and we were best buds from 3rd grade through H.S (even though I moved away within one year). I was the new kid in town, (again), and she befriended me the very first day of school. No one else would scoot over to let an impish-looking, 8 yr-old, freckled-faced redhead sit down on the school bus. I guess they thought I had cooties. But, when I got to Felicity’s seat, she scooted over and invited me to sit down. Invited me. How cool is that?

We were tight from that day forward… and boy, oh boy, we’re we ever opposites. But it was grand! I taught her how to laugh and she taught me… well, she taught me what manic-obsessive behaviour looks like. Yup. We would sit up all night long on the weekends. I called her ‘Fish’ and ‘Felickity Floo’. She called me… what did she call me? I’ve forgotten. Anyhoo, I would tell jokes while she did a gazillion sit-ups, half a gazillion squats, and about 3 billion jumping-jacks… and then we’d talk about boys. Ewww!

Felicity had every single Nancy Drew book ever written. She let me read them all. I think she even gave some of them to me, as well as a bunch of Barbies. She just wasn’t into playing Barbies much. I think she was too busy exercising. The girl was on a tennis team, swim team, and track team. I think she played volley-ball too. Oh, and she was in band. Jeesh. I’m exhausted just recalling all of this. I admired her though. Thought it was pretty cool that she was so driven… And glad as all get out that she never asked me to follow her pursuits. All the bike riding and walking that I did was way more than enough exercise, in my opinion. Besides, I’d rather be lazy.

Biby was one of my best friends in H.S. I email her about 2-3 times a year. She normally responds, but never takes the initiative. I completely understand… oh, boy, do I.

I remember a day in Study Hall (1983). I was bored. I read all the time, and just didn’t feel like starting a new book this day. So, I looked over and noticed a HUGE dictionary on the shelf (or maybe it was an encyclopedia… I don’t really recall. Oh, btw…we were in the school library). Curious, I decided to take a gander. I opened it up to a page that had the Phoenician alphabet on it. Cool. So what did I do? I had the two of us memorize the Phoenician alphabet right then and there. (My friends always went along with my kooky ideas. I’m quite the charmer, ya know.) We used our free hour to do so. From that day forward, Biby and I passed notes written in Phoenician. I just love that memory. I can still read and write Phoenician.

I never did learn sign language though. Maybe some day I will.

Charlene. She’s the greatest. I call her every year on her birthday and we talk like it was just yesterday; as if we’ve talked every day for the entire year. Back in 1985-87 Charlene and I were inseparable. We lived on the phone when apart, worked together every day, and partied together on the weekends… every, single, weekend. We would go out dancin’ ’til 3 in the morning… sometimes we’d even venture to “Four Corners” in East St. Louis, just so that we could dance until 5 am. That was a wee bit foolish; really. Gosh, I miss her; and I miss dancing ’til I can’t dance no more.

Brandy and I had some good times. She was my party-bud in ’87-’89. We did the dancing thing every Friday night at “Patricks” in Phoenix, AZ. We had moved down there from Idaho. Anyhoo, the bouncers used to wave us to the front of the line and let us on in before everyone else. Why? ‘Cuz we we’re both so charming, dontcha know. *grin* Actually, like I said, we never missed a Friday night. Plus, Brandy really was a fine girl.

Another factor was that we still had our Idaho DL’s… which made us stand out a bit from the crowd. The bouncers just starting calling us “Idaho“… “Come on in, Idaho’s“, they’d say to us.

Hey?

Maybe that wasn’t such a cute nickname afterall.

*heh*

Things turned ugly with Brandy. I was repulsed by the fact that she was bedding four different men; while claiming her undying love to one of the poor suckers. (Call me a prude, if you must, but I have always believed in monogamy… and honesty.) I was a bit peeved that she kept leaving the apartment without any word of where she’d disappeared to, or for how long… because she always left her 18 month old in my care. Then her sucker bought her a puppy. Our lease clearly stated that animals were a ‘no-no’. Sooooo, I was left to clean up doggy-doo and baby-poo, while she got down and dirty with the natives.

I moved out.

Then moved in with someone else. Manny is one of the most loving people I have ever met in my life. The sweetest man alive, he most definitely is. He was like a father to me, and I’ll never forget his kindness, nor his generousity. However, he’s another friend that I only communicate with once or twice a year.

Like I said, I suck at staying in touch.

Right now, there are only two friends that I talk to, or otherwise communicate with on a regular basis… daily, or several times a week. Even this is dreadfully difficult for me to maintain.

Why?

‘Cuz I can’t handle my workload.

DOMESTICITY:

Do any of you recall the story of the mom that went on strike? It was on CNN, as well as some other news networks. She camped out in her children’s treehouse; refusing to come down until things changed in her home. She was overworked, underpaid, and felt completely unappreciated.

I know that my family appreciates all that I do for them. But, I still feel like going on strike.

‘Cept I don’t have a freakin’ treehouse to live in.

Seriously. Think of every single thing that needs to be done in a household. Then throw in five kids… Oh wait now… mix it up with ADD, ADHD, OCD/OCPD, and Dramaqueenism… 4 mental disorders that clash against each other (and thusly drive me towards insanity). (What? You think Dramaqueenism isn’t a real disorder? Ha! I beg to differ.) Okay, now add a dog. A fish tank with three fish. Now, don’t forget the yardwork… or vehicle maintainence.

Got all that?

Okay, now stir in an agreement to produce interesting, intriguing, or otherwise readable fiction for publication in a set of books, for a friend.

Sprinkle an eBay business into the pot as well.

Oh, and wifely duties.

WTF? I have to schedule in time to breathe.

I tried to alleviate some of the workload by setting up a chore calendar for the kids. Sometimes it helps. But most of the time I have to spend too much time on making sure the chores get done, and get done correctly. *sigh* All I’ve managed to do with the chore list is make MORE work for myself.

My husband, bless his heart, tries to help every so oft- …six months, by offering to give me a day off. Sometimes I take him up on his offer, even though I know that when I come back to work the next day… I’ll have double-duty. Why? Do I really need to tell any of you women why? No. Didn’t think so.

I normally see the glass as half-full. I find the good in every thing. I’m optimistic about tomorrow. I enjoy life.

But lately, I seem to be losing me. Maybe I’m under the couch cushion? It’s incredibly amazing what one finds under there.

STRESS:

My husband took his truck to a local mechanic, as some of you may recall. His truck was not repaired; is now completely irrepairable, and I have to play lawyer by proxy in order to recoup our losses. So add taxi-cab driver to my current list of duties, as well as court room drama.

My two oldest refuse to answer the phone when their father calls now; and neither one wants to go with him on the weekends anymore. There are reasons for this that I cannot discuss on my blog. More than likely, I will be going to court over this issue, as well as the mechanic one above.

Bob, as most of you know, has just finished getting a lovely college degree. He has currently been working, (through a temp agency), for IBM. This is great. However, in order to continue working for IBM, (on a part-time basis for now), he will have to quit his current, full-time job. The IBM/temp agency deal has the potential of working into a full-time position, but there are no definite guarantees. So, this will be a leap of faith. In the meantime, we will lose not only our guaranteed income, but also our health insurance. I’m nervous, (which is quite probably an understatement), but somehow I do have faith that things will work out well here in the end. I just wish I knew when that end was.

The coup de grâce under this title of stress… I’m having issues with my MIL.

WISHFUL THINKING:

Steps I’ve considered taking in order to maintain my sanity:

1.) Ignore all housework… forever.
2.) Tune in to Daytime television, while eating Bon Bons
3.) Lock myself in my room until I have read every single book that Bob and I own.
4.) Swallow mass quantities of St. John’s Wort
5.) Become an alcoholic
6.) Pitch the tent my FIL gifted us and live in solitude on my front lawn.
7.) Run away with the circus and become a clown.
8.) Win the lottery so that I can hire a nanny, cook, maid, housekeeper, masseuse, chauffeur, accountant, landscaper, tutor, Shell Answer Man, butler, handyman, and dog-sitter.
9.) Comprehend what is beyond description, because there just might be an answer in my befuddlement.
10.) Permanently affix a set of headphones, (attached to an IPOD), to my ears. Then crank up the tunes… and leave them cranked indefinitely.

Gee, lookit there. Three more and I could have saved this for next Thursday.

A final thought: Hormonal zits at 40. Aaaaaauuuuuugggggghhhhhh!!!!!!